2017/06/30

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-30 Am Open To Being Pleasently Suprised


Here’s how people like me get taken out.
And why it matters to me deeply about the slanderous accusations The Music Box in Cleveland Ohio made to my manager.
Norm McDonald is obsessed with this and for good reason.

We all know he’s a genius of the highest order in the realm of comedy. He’s like Bob Dylan in a way. That highly regarded in his chosen profession.
And you should do yourself a big favor and watch his amazing interview show available on YouTube.
Where he frequently brings up the subject of when they label you “crazy” and how that has taken out so many, at the height of their powers.
Chappelle being the alpha and omega here.
And what’s great… is you can review the history of it and all the evidence is right there.
The key piece is the controversial show he did one night in Texas at a little comedy club where he went on for eight hours.
People walked out. They turned the lights on and off. But he just kept going. Until the fact that he kept going became like this over arching diamond of a genius level joke. So hysterically funny.

And people left. And not only that but that show was used to further bury him. Even tho if you watch that show. And you should and you must. He’s a comedy genius unrivaled by anybody at the very height of his powers.

His ease on stage. His way to turn anything on its head. Just a beautiful performer , performing beautifully just on the outskirts of convention. But he had the “crazy” hangover already. And thereby is the crux of what I think Mr. McDonald is driving at with this line of questioning.

Basically Norm says that “the crazy label” more than anything else, just kills artists dead. He should know. How long was he ghettoized in crazy town? Has he ever escaped? I think/know he has but damn, he got cut off at the knees for years cause of that “crazy” stigma
But we need to protect unconventional artists(unless you prefer the absolute drone of mediocrity) from slanderous moves such as these which cut risk taking artists from doing their job and pushing the culture forward.
Of course there is gonna be resistance. What I’m doing here is recognizing that resistance, analyzing its tactics, seeing its face and then destroying it thru exposure, where all creepy shadowy bullshit simply must die.
My manger actually said to me

“They said he was acting strange”
Uh… I’m a performer. Putting on a show. How’s that strange? I guess I’m not acting like every other person there. But then every other person there wasn’t paid something to do something entertaining to and for the other people there. So in what context are we saying the behavior was in anyway unusual? Let’s break it down specifically because

I was actually there and just before the show I meditated and did yoga after having a great meal with an old friend. Where no wine was imbibed. (And none has been consumed by me in many many months. ) so my recall of the events is pristine and I’d be happy to review with any and all management at the music box just what drugs they thought I was on.
Oh just let it go Joe

It’s no big deal

It’s just Ohio.

Move on.
But

Fuck that.



This is how they kill people like me. And I ain’t gonna let them do that.
I’m standing by for your apology Music Box. Ain’t expecting it. But am open to being pleasantly surprised.

 

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-30 Ohio Here Is Why Artists Don’t Come Back



This tour has been wonderful. Truly to do this on my own has provided such an insight into how we can really transmute any situation or circumstances into the best possible way to evolve ourselves and so in doing that you’ll have actually the most fun. Even just by yourself in a room doing nothing, feels like some lost symphony of opportunity.
Tour managing myself. Being my own roadie. Settling up. Getting myself to the next place and rested and ready to perform and with a great attitude about it.
That’s what I do. And I take great pride in it. I think I’m doing a remarkable and excellent job of it.
And everywhere I’ve gone the response has been the same. Overwhelming enthusiasm and glowing reviews about an excellent and even sometimes inspired night.
Everywhere

But one.
Which one. Hmmm lemme see ?
Yep
Ohio.

Ohio
Ohio

You love of mine. You infinite bully. That place where I’d always listen to the train run away with my imagination off into impossible distance too breathtaking to imagine. But I’d go there.

Ohio

Isn’t only where I was born but also my imagination.

And I suppose the real mother and father for my disdain for all things conventional.

Ohio progressive enough to give the freaks a little room to move but not much. Turns out not much at all.

Hey Ohio.

Fuck you
My manager over the phone

“Hey sir. How’s it going?”

” good sir I’m excellent how are you?”

“I’m good I’m good.. everything go alright last night?”

“Yeah it was fine. Why?”

“Well I’m getting some really odd reports from the club. Apparently some people were offended and the club is accusing you of being on drugs”

Shocked

“What? That doesn’t really make sense. It was a good show. People were raving afterwards. Even people from the club were talking about how good the response was and commenting on just how much people were raving. One guy who said it was his first time seeing me, compared me favorably to Lemme and sorta saying I rocked that hard.

In fact my main foil of the night was an old heckler who was laughing it up with me after the show and we hugged like three times.

As I greeted everyone respectfully and held myself and others in high esteem and regard all night. Didn’t even smoke weed before the show. Let alone drink or any drugs. Don’t do none of that now and wouldn’t even consider it.
Which is why I take great offense to the implication The Music Box in Cleveland came at my manager with today.
To accuse a performer to be on drugs because they buck convention is absurd.

The fact that that still goes on in Ohio is an outrage.

And I deeply hope that anyone who enjoyed that show last night
Defends me here and let’s this club know that they support and defend the artist in this case and join my outrage of this accusation, which serves to rob the cultural landscape of Ohio from progressive artists such as myself. Why would I come back to be treated this way? Where everywhere else I go, I’m received with a kind openness and love which seems rare.
Do you people want anything vaguely interesting in art and music anymore???
Do all rough edges simply need to be faded out?
Must we all drone on into some bored mediocrity where by nothing happens and people are just left be comfortable in their numb state waiting for oblivion. Sorry I’m not going out like that.
Ohio



Here is why artists don’t come back. Here’s the behind the scenes knife in the back.
Music Box. You owe me a deep apology. Ohio you owe me defense. Or maybe you don’t owe me nothing at all. But that extends both ways. Namaste.



ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-30 The Beautiful Fuck You



Are all emotional reactions against Narcs bad?
Conventional wisdom says yes. And it’s a really good rule to follow and it’s true that they are constantly trying to provoke reaction. And it’s also true that any reaction you give them is supply and fuel for them but….
BUT
when you really start waking up from all this and your life undergoes a total transformation, you will emerge as essentially a different person. A person who would never in a million years put up with the way Narcs treat others.

But that transformation is a process. It doesn’t happen overnight but it does happen quickly. (In other words people will mistake you for your old self before you truly become your new self. This will be a mistake on their part )

And if you’re like me and you reach this point in your forties. You’ll have many people in your life that won’t really see or respect that transformation. In short your behavior in the world will be different, theirs will not.

And to aggravate the situation, your new power and self reliance will threaten the narcs in your life like a ghost does a child.

So they won’t stand down. Their attacks will either A) be more obvious and pronounced and nasty in terms of pain and control they attempting to induce. It’s that lack of control over you they sense and see and then themselves REACT too by doing something over the top

Or B) this is how obvious and over the top it’s always been but now you just notice.

(Not sure which of these is the case, but one of them if not both happens everytime)

I mean here, to reference a time significantly into your healing journey. When you’ve already gone no contact with the primary Narcs in your life.

Im speaking now on the periphery Narcs.

Old friends you ain’t seen in awhile for instance. Who are used to you being a kind of punching bag but they “love and miss you!”

They may even have caught wind of your transformation. You may even be silly enough to display it publicly. God forbid you may even start a blog and brazenly taught your new understandings and bravely expose yourself and the entirety of the situation that happened to you. God forbid you do that!

They may know you’re a soft target and can easily plan some good set ups for you to fall in in witch to evoke emotion and misery.
But

Are all emotional reactions bad?
I suppose in an ideal world they are. In an ideal world you can see what the narc is up too. It’s easy to see. And they throw soft balls before really going in, to guage reaction and test their target.

So it’s not unfathomable to just remove yourself without emotion and walk away.

However

Then what? Block their number, just don’t ever respond.

Yes that’s the healthy thing

But even that is an emotional reaction.

And that reaction isn’t in keeping with who I really am. I’m not passive aggressive.

I’m an open and honest person. I say what I mean. And mean what I say.
I don’t think ALL emotional reactions are bad. Particularly not when you are really ready to get real about all this. Because when you are in that space, it will be a time to say goodbye to certain characters forever. You’ll have the stomach for it. New resivores of strength and character open up to you in dramatic ways.

And some of those goodbyes (in my opinion) warrant a hearty FUCK YOU and if you’ve recovered sufficiently
You’ll be surprised at how that FUCK YOU

sits with you.
Whereas once upon a time your programming would not have allowed for you to get away with that.
The receiver of your FUCK YOU

would have haunted you.

Doubt and fear would seep in

“Perhaps you were extreme”

Will go the thoughts

“Perhaps they didn’t deserve that”

“Perhaps that totally insane thing they did or said was just an accident and you really should try to smooth things over”

” after all aren’t you a nice guy that everyone loves. God forbid there be one more shit talker out there ruining what’s left of your dilapidated reputation ”

And on and on the fear based diatribe will drone , until you are sufficiently cognitively dissonanced and tortured, that you will either A) seek out some resolution with the predator, further subjecting yourself to abuse. Or B) not do that but feel like total shit and like someone else got the better of you.
However

Recovery bares fruit in this department.

I personally don’t think all emotional reactions are bad.

I think when you’re deep in this process of recovering yourself, you’ll discover a capacity to say a real FUCK YOU to someone and mean it. Not take it back. Not ever. And not feel one drop of doubt or guilt about it.
I personally think. That’s a beautiful thing.



A beautiful fuck you.




ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-30 I Forgot To Say


My primary argument in favor of the sturdy and true emotional reaction are these.

A ) saves time. No fucking around with grey Rock. It’s done. Let it be done. You know who and what they are. You know that your very being makes them tremble with disgust. You know that it’s thru their pretzel logic that that means they want you around more and not less. A nice fuck you ends it clean. And you’ve said your truth to the appropriate person. And you can live with that now. In fact easily.
B) I can’t remember what B was cause A droned in too long
But



C) re read A

CONCERT POSTER : 2017-06-29 Music Box, Cleveland




ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-30 One More Point Before I put it to bed and go on leading the Eagle Scout life of a rocker



How are we to quantity “crazy” ( let’s just go ahead and slot in “on drugs” it’s the same dismissive brush stroke which is the enemy of people like me)
When “crazy” is what performer is essentially there to do. It’s just which version of “crazy” are you paying for?

I mean really consider what it is and what it does to a comedian to be dismissed this way.
It’s like taking all the tools out of his tool shed.

You don’t want them to think you’re “crazy” while saying things that are purposefully “crazy” to shock and make people laugh.
I mean it’s like asking a lawyer not to lie. It’s just unfair.
This I think is the conundrum in the complicated issue of Norm’s obsession. That’s really quite simple. Norm was never “crazy” not even a little bit. Ok maybe a little bit.
But

He was simply a genius being a genius. It’s a very fine line indeed.

And those of us who skirt closest to that line are the ones who are remembered, but also the ones who are attacked on their way thru.
And this is how they attack us. By dismissing us as “crazy” or “on drugs”
What’s ultimately very ironic about all this, is anyone who has been following me on social media can basically attest to and see that I’ve lived a life recently of the utmost care , nurturing and self respect. With the aim and direct intention of being an inspiration to others and to truly help in anyway I can. I’ve transformed myself physically and mentally and spiritually and now transparently live my core values. I can’t take the stands I’m taking with anything less. No way. You can’t stand up against Goliath while sneaking beers off to the side. Cmon. That ain’t how this works.
I’ve spoken before on this blog of a spiritual war.

I don’t think it’s in anyway “crazy” to think of this life that way.

I mean look around you.

I’m being dramatic?

Go ahead take another look around you.

Im obviously standing for something.

And I will continue to do that, in the face of everything. You could skin me alive and I’ll still stand right here smiling at you.
Crazy? Maybe

But this would be the good kind of crazy


 

2017/06/29

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-29 Evolve Now!



Where does the darkness end ? and that’s just it …you can’t know. and that’s one of the many parts of this multi faceted problem, which is, when somebody reveals a dark intent towards you, it’s really impossible to know where that ends.
An example from my situation is my own ex family. Their final acts of betrayal certainly had crushingly dark implications (refer back to the ‘Snakeskin Grand finale’

They knew what Quinn Falconer did to me. And yet they retraumatized me aggressively.

Think of my headspace at the time. I was fighting tooth and nail to recover. And they were well aware of how damaged I was by this, and yet they did what they did. They left know doubt about total disdain and lack of basic decency towards me.

Their actions (and repetitive actions deeply illustrated that)

So where does that end?

Is it extreme to say they wish I was dead?

Not to my way of thinking. Seems to me as if they made that rather clear. Also they don’t seem conservative in their approach. So where does that darkness end?

I’ve got no idea. I had to write a note and send it to my own family. Self protection cause I thought they may try to have me killed. All these months later, that idea seems a reasonable assumption when measured against past behavior and also what I know of them. Frank is extreme. They all are.

How extreme I am with art and music and sharing it. That’s how extreme they are in reverse. So yeah

Exposure for me is protection. Quinn is a psychopath and I’m calling her out.
Is all this putting me in more harms way or protecting me? I’ve got no idea. I’m experimenting.

Having fun with it.
I’ll tell you this. I have a list. And it’s got more names than the ones I’ve revealed. It’s not too long. But everyone on it will be under heavy investigation of any moves are made against.

Never mind about the spiritual realm where these people are gonna have no mercy. At least not until karma is resolved.

I think for me the truly shocking discovery of all this was in learning that the aggravating things these people would do, they did on purpose. I mean it’s not as if I did not notice that people were aggravating, or passive aggressive or insecure. it’s not that I was totally blind to the fact that some people were not for you but… The shock came when I realized that not only was this behavior conscious, the people that you trusted were acting consciously and exacting pain out of you. it was premeditated and preconceived. I mean just the very embodiment of how we classify evil is as follows…if I catch my girlfriend cheating on me and then throw a lamp at her and it kills her I’ll go to jail for maybe three or four or five years and then get time off for good behavior but if I do that very same thing and think about it first, plan it. Premeditated it…

I’d go to jail for the rest of my life, maybe get the death penalty. same action. what’s the difference? why is one punishment so severe and the other one not nearly as severe? i’ll tell you why…. because premeditation is everything. conscious thought is everything in terms of committing evil acts and how we punish them. Because it signifies a character void of dignity and compassion. Void of the minimal emotional depth to really deserve to live free here on planet earth. Am I missing something? Are narcs not this type of evil?
So who are these people to bring you down to your knees, when it’s obvious you are broken, when it’s obvious you are struggling , when it’s obvious you need help , when it’s obvious that this is the time family are supposed to be there for you and yet those are the very people that bring out the knives because they’re not counting on you getting back up. it’s a crazy realization. it’s something that you can’t un see. That level of betrayal breaks something at the core. Something’s break and you can’t un break them. and after the fact there is no way the perpetrators of such pain, are ever gonna cop to it. they cannot. it’s too insane. there’s no going back.
it’s inconceivable and unbelievable for people who don’t think the way they do, in particular , for their key targets. if you’re targeted by them, it’s a huge compliment, because you have great qualities that they wish to emulate and steel and ultimately drain your love until you end up like a used tampon dangling on the edge of oblivion, caked with bad street speed and regret.
I mean personally I was mind controlled for months and months of my life. and here’s how you know I’m telling you the truth about that
because who on earth would ever admit to that if it wasn’t true?
nobody. So why no shame? ( keep in mind NPD’s , sociopaths, psychopaths are masters of manipulation and mind control. It is their everything. They appear to have other interests, but their interests only serve to cover and facilitate their true interest. Which is to manipulate and control. So I got beat by someone who is an expert in an area of real programmed weakness in me.

That doesn’t reflect on my intelligence. It’s simply a matter of being blind and now being able to see. It’s a matter of being unaware of weakness which came from a lifetime of abuse and which these types look for and target. I see no need for shame here. Frankly I’m glad I made a bunch of kick ass records and paintings and poems instead of putting all my energy on Fucking with people. )

there is nothing good about saying that. there’s a lot of factors to that, and it’s a long conversation, the explanation as to how and why it happens and actually there’s also good qualities associated with people who can be more easily hypnotized. The qualities of openness and willingness to explore new things makes someone susceptible to hypnosis. (Really only a bad quality to have when you’re unaware) In fact all the qualities you have that led to your devastation become absolute strengths in recovery. But only after you learn to recognize predators and deal sufficiently with pathological needs and loneliness.
Its about vulnerability and predators pinpointing vulnerabilities of others. it’s despicable behavior. it’s really on par with child Molesters. a pedophile will target the kids they see having certain qualities which makes them more vulnerable and susceptible.

NPD

works exactly the same and for some reason I’m not ashamed of the fact that I fell victim to this. I don’t have victim shame about this ( men need to own what’s happened to them as well and it’s harder for us than the ladies to not feel ashamed) because it’s so rampant and also because it broke me that hard. I’m not sitting here calling out from on high about this because someone hurt my feelings or wounded my pride. I’m telling you this, because I got broke down to the core and fucked with in such a hard-core way as to lead me to explain myself here now.

I mean that shit was crazy.

I did not see it coming.

I did not know it existed.

it’s not like I have a laundry list of super healthy relationships behind me either, I mean I’ve had some good ones and I’ve been with some good people but I’ve had a lot of toxic ones and I’ve been toxic as well, but this was next level. A total devastation and not just emotional. But physical, mental and spiritual. Nothing to do but hit reset. Nothing to do but rise or fall. Life just got so real. And as I asked my family for help, they betrayed me too.
I’m not claiming sainthood in any of this either, i’m just not toxic in a way where I’m a predator trying to hurt other people as a means of control, I don’t do that.

Another thing I find interesting is the commonality amongst victims of this and especially in this day and age. I’ve discovered a new YouTube healer named SOUL GPS
she’s awesome and I love her videos. But the strange part is she’s been thru almost exactly the same turn of events recently as I have. Four betrayals brought her to the bottom of her self. I also am in a similar place on the healing journey. Not quite all the way there yet, but I’ve turned a corner or three. an identical story at least in terms of massive betrayal leading to this soul transformation. These kind of “coincidences” lead me to expect that there is some kind of an uprising in human consciousness. because there’s so much of this happening, light workers being forced to evolve now! And fast. I feel like we are being prepared for something larger. it’s like the dark forces are revealing themselves and the life forces are revealing themselves.

that’s what’s happening right now. it’s like people can’t hide what they are anymore.
especially after you recover a little bit. when you got about six months recovery or something and you can start seeing it in your day in day out life much easier and it is fucking wild. it’s not as heartbreaking the harrowing as it was when you first started coming out of it because those cases were also more extreme. but now just in your day-to-day you start clocking it much easier and you see it just at the beginning stages. and though you don’t know what level or to what degree somebody is fucked up, but you start to see a pattern. anybody can do one fucked up thing or say one thing that’s a little off, but when a pattern starts forming…your soul tells you, your body tells you, and you just listen because you’ve been down that rabbit hole so many times, you re like “man fuck that shit!” Then it always plays out too because, all you do is then, put a boundary up. just don’t give that person anymore of your time. Where as back in the day you were magnetized, they would do the couple fucked up weird things which would then form a damn trauma bond. not like trauma trauma, but just a little baby trauma bond. you’re just a program running on autopilot and they know the program. there’s only one of you in that situation that actually knows what’s happening. Youre trying to like like this person or whatever while they’re figuring out How to fuck with this person. In their head they think I’m controlling them and I’m manipulating them and then it just gets way more twisted and dark. beyond what you could imagine. these people have nothing else to do with their time and their whole lives but study and fuck with people they see as vulnerable and blind to their tactics. And they know exactly what to look for.



by the time they’re in their mid 20s or even younger than that, they’re like zen masters of manipulating. Gender doesn’t matter. age doesn’t matter. if you are susceptible to them and you have one that’s an adult, it’s been studying manipulation their whole life. You stand no chance against them in that game, especially as you’ve done creative things with your time, rather than working on ways to fuck with people. I got no shame about getting “beat” by one. It makes logical sense. But now I’m all caught up, and I know the game and I’m ready to play. But it’s gonna be my game and on my terms this time. And the game for me is all about recovering and healing and becoming a beacon of light for other victims of this. The name of the game is also to expose these nasty demons who refer to themselves as people and to protect other innocents who like me, simply didn’t know better.


 

2017/06/27

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-27 Isn't It Cruel?



The following was written thru dictation into my phone and quickly edited before hitting the stage tonight in Chicago. I like to write these things quick and post them that way. Forgive the repetition and typos. Namaste.

I’m not doing this to be cruel. I’m doing it to show other victims it can be done.

You can stand up to the oppressors in your world

You can fight back against the bullies.
You can do it without unhealthy obsession but rather as therapeutic balm on your recovery. Also a deep layer of protection by my way of thinking. It behooves victims of this to make the separation permanent. My mother is still trying to blur the lines of what happened. The temptation to sweep things under the rug is great on many levels. Survival chief among them. As kids raised in this abuse our survival depended on our ability to do just that. It’s deeply programmed in us to excuse forgive and wipe away such terrors. To do anything but that seems quite insane to types like us. This blog seems totally insane to me. But what happened to me and so many like me, was totally insane. A lot more insane. Like many many many times more insane. This blog is deeply mild by comparison. Trust.

And even a year ago the collective psyche may have been ill equipped to facilitate us being able to properly frame and explain the crimes that were committed against us. But I don’t think that’s true anymore. The world is evolving so fast it’s becoming faster and faster all the time. We don’t have to pretend that we don’t know what actual human violence is anymore. Because actual human violence. The really bad kind. Isn’t one guy hitting another guy in the face. Actual human violence is what these creeps do covertly.

When you wake up to the over the top raw ass fuck reality of what you’ve been put thru, and there at the bottom of your fragmented self realize there is A) no way to explain any of this to anyone. And B) if there was , you don’t have anywhere near the capacity to do that on almost any level, of the several levels of understanding it would take to even have a snowballs chance in hell of coming off sane.

You then hit a despair so profound.

Let’s just say my old self died there. He didn’t make it.
So what’s human violence?

Outside of the horrors of war and gun violence and all of terrorism. Outside of extreme cases
What’s the human violence that takes many many many more lives in many many many more ways then all of the violence I listed above.
Our president is displaying it widely, famously, and wildly.
Hell everyone knows he has the condition of which I speak.

Our current president. How many think pieces in npd have there been since he took office. Shit is evolving, and in our favor in this regard. And we are still pretending that no one can be accused and shown to be guilty of these very heinous crimes that continue to go unpunished in our society??

Seems like an area to focus on. Seems like an area that needs changed.
If someone robbed your house and you knew they did and you could even prove it you wouldn’t do nothing about it. you would press charges. maybe stupidly you’d want to go over to their house in the middle of the night and rob them back. that would be your first instinct.
can you imagine what all the victims of this feel like, as they have no recourse in the legal system? I can tell you in truth I never had a murderous thought before I woke up from the psychopathic dance. Not a truly murderous one. It’s a dangerous game the narcs are playjng.

I’m doing this for love. But I don’t mind that they feel the weight of their actions thru my words. I’m conformance with that. I forgive them but they need stern parenting. They are after emotional children. And children need to to be corrected or punished when they step out of line.

That helps you know that they aren’t scary at all really. Merely little hurt lost children that need to be grounded while they learn how to behave.
The legal system needs to set up new architecture to deal with this, sure. Real change needs to occur, but we as a community can evoke that thru personal bravery, such as I am displaying here.
Can I send a call out to the copy cats. To copy cat me here, into oblivion. To make what I’m doing here a matter of course, when narcs step out of line. Let’s give them very little room to operate. Let’s give them less and less room all the time. Until there is none and they forced to simply suffer into healing, rather than impose that nightmare unsuspecting and undeserving victims.
Cause as it is now. There is no consequences. The only consequences I suspect are enjoyable to them. I imagine this blog is enjoyable to them. I’m aware that it is a fresh well of supply for them. It is after all, my attention.
I’m glad it’s helping others. It’s certainly helping me.

But I want to take it further than exposure. I want to press charges for what went down.

Not for me.

I’m good.

I’m about to play a packed show at space in Chicago on a monday night. I got a plate full of salmon. I got flirtations and music and art and money and looks.

I can get on with life just fine.

But I’m interested in putting Quinn in the slammer because, she deserves to be there. For what she did to me, and those before me, and most importantly for whoever she is absolutely destroying and whoever she’s planning on destroying after that guy and after the next guy after that.

And also

Because I think it could blaze a trail that would redeem this whole fiasco in my mind.

To create permanent change in the field of covert interspecies predatory violence and abuse. That’s my mission statement.
As it is now. No recourse. Can you see
how that could turn into a scourge of Vigilantism?

Actually the truth set you free. and that’s not just for me or you, that’s for them too the truth sets everybody free I’m not telling on a person or people in this blog. I’m telling on this disorder. i’m identifying people who are currently trapped in their own version of this disorder, but they too are victims of this disorder. and it’s only buy them having to stand next to and account for their actions and deeds and words that they stand a chance of getting anything like healthy. Conventional wisdom would tell you there is no help or hope for these people, but what happens if they are stripped away of their ability to play these games anymore? they simply will have to face the reality of what they are and what they’ve been doing. and once they do that they can heal and change. I don’t think that anybody is beyond hope. I just think that the way the current world is, they have no real reason to change because they get away with this and they get away with it overtly and covertly and all over the place and even after they’ve been found out they keep getting away with it. why? this makes no sense to me.

I mean it does make sense to me I’m lying it does make sense but

it makes sense a year ago why

but not anymore not anymore it doesn’t make sense because now everybody knows the score here. this is not new information I mean anybody who actually claims they don’t know the score with this shit is usually is a narc I’m in my experience. most everybody is catching the vibe of what’s going on here.

you know it would be easy for me to just write off into the sunset and act like none of this ever really happened and set up firmer boundaries and have a pretty decent life but I developed a real sense of purpose with recovering from this huge devastation that occurred, which I don’t think my old self even survived.

I had to become basically somebody new in order to survive this. it’s a serious crime that these people commit it’s a serious crime these people commit. It’s a SERIOUS CRIME. come ON now and again.
if you’re studying Buddhism and all that stuff there is an in ENORMOUS TEMPTATION to just like see everything a little esoterically. AND forgive without true investigation and THEN try to forget everything that you’re supposed to forget or think that you’re supposed to forgive so youRE just gonna act like you forgive and get on with your life but there again when we’re talking about abuse, to me those dynamics change a lot. because forgiving is one thing but until people are held accountable for their actions it’s just for me, as of as a real victim of this I don’t think it’s healthy to drift back into denial.
Picture emotions like the bill at the end of the night. A big dinner. The check is coming. Toxic shame is the bill.

The predators say they have to go to the bathroom and leave you with the bill. The bill is as steep as is their pain. In my case the predators pain was rather humongous. The bill they left me with was laughable.

I’m still sitting at the table fuckers.

Why don’t you come pay the bill you stuck me with, then we can all just go down the road in our own merry way.
They be like

“What the fuck are you doing??? You’re just supposed to shut the fuck up and eat our shit.”
I be like
” I don’t think so”

” the world is now watching. I’ve called you out in public, in a pretty big way, making pretty big claims about you. Incredible accusations actually. And I’m doing over and over again. If I’m lying you could easily sue me for defamation of character. If I’m lying you could easily speak up and state your case.

Silence sounds like an admission of guilt.

Any you fuckers got the sack to speak up for yourselves. Cat got your tongue?

I ain’t the only one with a digital typing device and access to social media.

If I’m lying

Speak up for yourself.
Cut too six months from now…. still crickets.

Bet

These people are cowards.

What I’m doing now seems supernatural to them or entirely insane.
Prove me wrong fucks. Speak up.

If we collectively get brave we can create a seismic shift in the NPD universe. We can create real legal consequences for this type of behavior this behavior warrants real harsh legal consequences we can formulate Ways and Means to prove these behaviors it’s not impossible at all.

we can make it much more difficult for people of a predatory nature to take advantage of empaths basically. There you have it. They’re not monsters they are a little children who need to get their wrist slapped and learn how to act right
this is actual human violence. outside of extreme cases such as I listed above earlier. outside of those type of extreme cases, this is actually real human violence this is what real human violences is. it’s this manipulation. it’s this wearing down. and it needs to stop. it needs to be accounted for. their needs to be consequences. for we have consequences if you walk up to somebody in the street and hit him in the face, so why not actual human violence? why don’t we have consequences for that? we must because once we do, The cases of this behavior will be greatly reduced, lives will be saved, countless lives will be saved, good lives. I almost died. think of all the albums you guys wouldn’t have had these fucks got their way. everything I do from here on out you wouldn’t have had, had these fucks… how many of me have there been? Who didn’t survive? that didn’t get so lucky ? countless. not saying artist lives are more valuable than any others but you get my point these are high-quality lives at stake. good people getting hurt right now right now very good people close to death. because of this behavior and if they get lucky enough to wake up, there will be no consequences on the predators who have done this to them. none.

at best they can hope for is to recover, which will take at least a year to even begin to really work through it all.

I can tell you I’m six months and I’ve worked, I’ve never worked harder on anything in my life then recovering from this and I think I’m over the hardest part but I’m still very much in the thick of it. there needs to be consequences. it’s obvious.



we can turn planet earth into a far more Utopian dream if we enact this change. I believe that people can’t have Shangri-La here because of these predators. I heard that on a YouTube clip last night driving. It’s true. I want to raise a safer world for our children. I seen real danger. I seen real evil and it’s subtleas a motherfucker.
Ps. Mom and dad. You can keep my paintings. And I don’t need financial retribution. That was morning anger. What I want is for our family to heal and to become whole again and we can’t do that by denying reality. Namaste.

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-27 From Jan 19 pre boxing



The no contact thing. Waking up alone and going to sleep that way daily starting to wear. I need to reup my efforts. I need to get out there and run. I’m not depressed but I can feel the waves of doubt and fear. Maybe I am depressed. The newness of your souls optimsim going something like “how much longer do we have to do this?” Rebuild a life. And not only that but rebuild a self. A self that can attract people who aren’t toxic. When you’re raised toxic, it’s like you’re fitted with thousands upon thousands of invisible sonars signaling the predators to come this way. It’s as if someone wrote it in my DNA. “Toxic people not only will I take your shit but I’m also impossibly attracted to it. Isolation not only becomes a place of comfort but also a kind of inevitability if you are genuine about healing. And when you’ve gone no contact with your family and life long friends (who are also obviously up to shenanigans. There is both relief in the fact that now your subconscious and conscious are working with the same or at least similar information. Alcoholics call this phase the pink cloud. But after a time, the loss you’ve suffered really crashes down and then you are left with the shambles of your existence. You can’t really afford to slink into depression. You have to reup your efforts. You have to be vigilant and disciplined but you also must allot yourself joy and ease or else you’ll lose your marbles. It’s a delicate or tricky balance and apart from endless virtual support online, mostly from clips on YouTube of people explaining exactly what you’re dealing with, and maybe (if you’re lucky) one or two actual friends who support you. Most are affected by the smear campaign and the absurdity (albeit entirely sane) and extremity of what you are attempting scares most, if not directly talking you out of it, will be eager to change the subject. It’s lonely practice. Self realization. It’s like with writing, it’s not a group activity. You follow your own thread. Your own inner guide and you power thru the seasons of doubt which may last a minute or could last all day and into the next. But you keep going. You review the evidence and the facts. You reconfirm the impossibility of going back. You are in between two types of impossible. You must keep going. back is more impossible than moving forward. You must move forward. You must become free.

 

2017/06/26

2016 Gigography


Here is the list of concerts by Joseph Arthur in 2016.

Concerts in green are concerts with an existing recording.

If you own an audio / video recording of an "unavailable" concert, thank you kindly send me an email to whenyoucryyoureyesarehollow@gmail.com




2016-01-01 City Winery, New York, NY Usa
2016-01-14 Todos Santos Music Festival, BCS MEXICO
2016-01-21 Todos santos Music Festival, BCS MEXICO
2016-01-22 Todos Santos Music Festival, MEXICO
2016-01-23 Todos Santos Music Festival, MEXICO
2016-01-30 Common Ground Coffeehouse, New York, NY, USA
2016-02-03 The Bowery Ballroom, New York, NY, USA
2016-03-04 RNDM - Triple Door, KEXP, Seattle, WA, USA
2016-03-04 RNDM - The Crocodile, Seattle, WA, USA
2016-03-07 RNDM - Gramercy Theatre, New York, NY, USA
2016-03-08 RNDM - Rock & Roll Hotel, Washington, DC, USA
2016-03-09 RNDM - The Foundry at The Fillmore, Philadelphia, PA, USA
2016-03-11 RNDM - Brighton Music Hall, Boston, MA, USA
2016-03-13 RNDM - Mod Club, Toronto, ON, CAN
2016-03-15 RNDM - Double Door, Chicago, IL, USA
2016-03-31 The Music Of David Bowie Benefit Concert, Carnegie Hall, New York City, USA
2016-04-01 The Music Of David Bowie Benefit Concert, Radio City Music Hall, New York City, USA
2016-04-15 Fargo Vinyl Shop, Paris, France
2016-04-16 Le Trianon, Paris, France
2016-04-17 Borderline, London, UK
2016-04-20 The Acoustic, Bridgeport, CT, USA
2016-04-21 Sellersville Theater 1894, Sellersville, PA, USA
2016-04-22 Rubin Museum of Art (Naked Soul series), New York, NY, USA
2016-05-26 Studio A, WFUV, New York USA
2016-07-15 WNYC Soundcheck Session, New York USA

2016-07-15 Paste Studios, New York USA2016-07-19 City Winery, Nashville, TN USA
2016-07-20 City Winery, Atlanta, GA USA
2016-07-23 Jammin Java, Vienna, VA USA
2016-07-30 Woodstock Sessions, Saugerties, NY USA
2016-08-15 City Winery, New York, NY USA
2016-08-28 City Winery, New York, NY USA
2016-09-01 WTMD's First Thursdays, Baltimore, MD USA
2016-09-03 Buskerfest, Long Beach, CA USA
2016-09-10 Secret Show, Long Beach, CA USA
2016-09-11 The Chapel, San Francisco, CA USA
2016-09-12 Troubadour, Los Angeles, CA USA
2016-09-13 The Hideout, San Diego, CA USA
2016-09-15 The Triple Door, Seattle, WA USA
2016-09-16 The Cobalt, Vancouver Canada
2016-09-17 Alberta Rose Theatre, Portland, OR USA
2016-09-19 Urban Lounge, Salt Lake City, UT USA
2016-09-20 Soiled Dove, Denver, CO USA
2016-09-21 The Tank Room, Kansas City, MO USA
2016-09-23 Dakota Jazz Club, Minneapolis, MN USA
2016-09-24 Colectivo Coffee, Milwaukee, WI USA
2016-10-29 Iridium, New York, NY USA
2016-11-03 Botanique Rotonde, Brussels Belgium
2016-11-04 De Amstelkerk, Amsterdam Netherlands
2016-11-05 Concerto Recordstore, Amsterdam, Netherlands
2016-11-06 Blue Shell, Cologne Germany
2016-11-07 Le Cargo, Paris France
2016-11-07 Rolling Stone Session, Paris France
2016-11-07 Le Point Ephemere, Paris France
2016-11-08 Oslo, London United Kingdom
2016-11-09 Deaf Institute, Manchester United Kingdom
2016-11-10 Bodega, Nottingham United Kingdom
2016-11-11 King Tuts, Glasgow United Kingdom
2016-11-13 Whelans, Dublin Ireland
2016-11-18 Live at Drew, Ringwood, NJ USA
2016-11-19 Tin Angel, Philadelphia, PA USA
2016-11-20 Concert In The Studio, Freehold, NJ USA
2016-11-23 The Summit FM , Akron, OH USA
2016-11-23 The Tangier, Akron, OH USA
2016-11-25 City Winery, Chicago, IL, USA
2016-11-28 The Drake Hotel, Toronto Canada
2016-11-30 Le Cercle, Quebec, QC Canada
2016-12-01 La Taverne, St Casimir, Canada
2016-12-02 Petit Campus, Montreal, Canada
2016-12-04 Minotaure, Gatineau, QC, Canada
2016-12-07 Celebrating the Life & Music of Leonard Cohen, City Winery, NY USA
2016-12-10 Jesse Malin perform "Goats Head Soup" with friends, Bowery Ballroom, NY USA
2016-12-11 5th Anniversary Guitar Mash, City Winery, NY USA













2017/06/25

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-25 Volleyball Head Tube


Tom hanks. Embedded language and how I wish I could still remember.
This shit is like cast away

You’re Tom Hanks

The volley ball head is YouTube. You talk to yourself to break the silence. You’re not really being crazy after all you’re at least aware that you’re talking to yourself. Things don’t start getting weird till you carry out lengthy conversations and also throw jokes at empty walls that you laugh at yourself. You are being isolated. And you are isolating. For once everyone and everything is working in concert designed for one unified horrific but glorious concern. And that is your solitude. Just as the skin that’s been cut naturally heals itself providing conditions are favorable. Your emotional well being will do the same now that your condition is finally favorable to this natural process. You will be a witness to yourself being braver than you thought possible and in surprising ways. New passions will arise for things like sport and self education. And gratitude like never before coupled with self care and view to your health which arises from the fact that never before have you been in the position to explore your authentic self. You may even think with fear that you crossed the finish line. But the shot you heard was only the beginning of the race. This realization ever increasing makes you send up the prayer to be given the time to explore this new magnificent reality. Which leads to you valuing your own time in such a way as never before. It’s hard even to think of all the years of effort you invested into a black hole. All of that pain. All of that confusion. And now that you know what it’s about. What can you do about it? Where is the revenge? There is none to be had. There’s nothing like revenge for a crime such as this. Death wouldn’t be revenge. In fact that would probably only relieve them. As it would destroy you completely. You can’t go now and torment them for years on end in a covert mission to zero in on their ability to take care of and realize themselves. There is no revenge here. Nothing even close to like it. Some call no contact revenge. I couldn’t disagree with that more. No contact should never be called something as lowly as revenge. No contact is simply your only line of defense against these predators. No contact is your armor in a battle you were thrown into against your will. That’s not revenge. That’s protection. It’s as basic as breathing once you understand the rules of engagement with the severely personality disordered. I don’t want revenge on my family. In fact I don’t want them to suffer at all. I still love them. I just know what and who they are. I’m glad they made that clear to me in a cacophony of over the top displays which crescendoed into total absurdity. That’s how bad it got before I jumped the ship. I stuck around forever. I didn’t split til I almost died. Plane and simple. I left because I had to. Because they gave me no choice and then I gave them no choice back. But I didn’t do that for revenge. Although yes I was completely outraged and in the depths of this thing as you are consumed by darkness. You claw and scratch and bite like a cornered stray and I can assure you I was not so even headed about all this as I am now. Now I don’t take any of it personally. They are as predators in the wild and with as much control. It’s as simple as that.

No contact is your shelter in the jungle and right now within that shelter you are protected, you can bide your time and you can heal. Just outside of that shelter are all the wild cats lions tigers snakes and spiders that you can imagine. Staying in that shelter isn’t revenge upon those predators lurking just outside. No contact is just your basic protection. No contact is your shelter.
I think the distinction becomes important because healing from narcissistic abuse means to get free and clear from their toxic energy and the environment that that creates and also how that environment naturally makes one incapable of being fulfilled. People like us don’t like living in energies such as revenge. That comes from them. It was their infringement on your basic human rights which lead to this supposed need for the bullshit that is revenge. There is no revenge in nature. There is simply survival. Understanding that they have no choice. That they are no more than puppets of destruction and damned to live that way. Knowing that should be vengeance enough for you and don’t be surprised when that knowledge actually turns back into compassion and forgiveness towards your abusers

Your ability to see this all for what it is will enable you to truly transcend the torment you’ve been thru. You will have strength this time with your compassion and you will understand that on a fundamental level your no contact is not only not revenge but rather a form of love. Firstly for yourself but then by extension of the laws of the universe. Love for them as well.



ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-25 But I’d Rather Save The World



The time for nightmares is over. Now is a time for meditation and emotions you can see coming regardless of your wishes however you just let yourself invite them all in. When I write like this I hope you know I’m no one. No one is here. Just words presenting themselves. And it’s my job just to take em down without judging to harshly. It’s easy. When I’m in the flow. It’s coming from the real deep part. The same part of me that is you. And none of us and all of us. No one is writing this.
I would have carried their shame to my grave. Probably without even deeply investigating it. Had they just been able to be even slightly nice to me. Or just not as destructive as it got. I’m loyal to the core. So I had to be forced out. And it’s always been that way. Not that I’ve always been the sane one. I speak now on romance. I’ve given my share of nightmares away. But it was never my intention.

I would have carried it. But was forced out into the abyss. And by their design. As is a pattern we’ve all seemed to face. Give or take. The abyss can destroy you. In fact will destroy you. But it need not kill you. And then you are out there with no one and nothing but time and confusion. A heart so broken that it betrays it to call it a broken heart. It’s more broken than that. It’s shattered. If you are to survive it. You have to embrace a warrior mentality. It’s not that fun at first. It’s a bit fun at first. But it gets ecstatic and elastic and bad ass. It gets really fun in a really fun new way. You start operating from a new thought center. You feel guilty for your progress. Success is hard to take it turns out. You tell that particular version of Satan to just go ahead and get behind you. And you keep moving. Their gift keeping engaged in the structure. What choice do you have. I suppose that depends on how destroyed you got. If you were like me. You got all the way destroyed. And then like waves destruction kept coming. Until everything was destroyed. From there. With exception of some lapses into some drug behavior and sex. Which quickly corrected every time it would happen. Until one day it didn’t happen at all. And it really seemed like it would never happen again. Course you smoke the weed. That’s just common sense. It’s the best by far treatment for cptsd. Your other option is xannax. Bitch please. That shit is poison and a vehicle for destruction. You don’t want a pill habit. Liberate yourself from that nonsense. Edibles I found particularly helpful in the early stages of recovery. Can’t imagine doing it without them. Psychedelics are also of great benefit. More on those in the future. Outside of that and some coffee. Fuck drugs. No drink. No speed. No pharmaceutical crap. Drugs are media. One must be careful of the messages they are receiving from the outside. Haven’t we learned that by now and the hard way? You can trust some weed. Not xannax. You can trust psychedelics. Not alcohol. Not cocaine. Not meth. Cmon we all know this shit. I knew it forever. But it was yet another way I lived below my core values. I didn’t really know better. Or I did but I didn’t know how to stop.

But the point I was trying to make is if you come from a place of infinite bottom then your potential becomes infinite providing you survive it. Which you did. Strange when people try to rob your health. It has a way of permentantly moving the goal posts.



I would have carried their shame. All the way. All they had to do was at least keep acting nice. I’m being reductive of course. They were far from nice the whole time. I just finally learned to see it. And now I’m forced to tell my story. For my health and sanity. For my protection. Because people I love and care about have been lied to about me. And because the truth as always will set you free. I don’t think they could have stopped what they have done even if they wanted too. But I also think they didn’t want too. I could carry their shame but I’d rather save the world. Even if it’s only my world that I save.


 

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-25 This Was Supposed To Be About Frankenstein



Frankenstein and the programing that you weren’t lovable
Just trying to cope

Like Igor who had the Absess that was mistaken as a hump.
Ignored. What did you do about it?
Adopt a False person to appease. Like Igor pretending to be a humpback circus freak.

Their entire existence could be described as a bad commercial for the secret.

“Dear god man you’ve lost your mind ! What ever could you mean? I mean explain yourself at once!!”
Ok allow me to do just that.
I’ll try and break it down in rapid fire bullet points see if they can’t hit the skull of this condition. Know what I’m sayjng?

Your mind was largely made by lunatics and worse than that. Goons. Not even terribly attractive or intelligent goons. In other words your mind and most of the thoughts in it is pieced together by scotch tape crashing bottles elmers glue a smacked face duct tape total disregard candle wax and papa smurf doing weird things. With information blended in which sometimes manages to sneak into all that hi jinx and give you a decent thought now and again. But mostly it’s just nuts and bolts and whole lot of toxic shame cross dressing at the nuclear party at the end of the world.

“Well that’s just shit!” I hear you say

Precisely my boy per – dice -Lee

Your mind is a shit box. And worse yet filled with the shit of strangers. Who at this point, your own family have shown they essentially are. Or worse. When’s the last time strangers came gunning for you? But I digress.

Your mind is a shit show. I bet your so bored of its mediocre ramblings that you’d give just about anything to turn that shit off.

Which is where the secret comes in or more precisely the excellent work of manifestation maestros like dr joe dispenza and Robert Lanza combined with and in line with Buddhism and its intelligence regarding the power of meditation and basic ways in which it operates and functions. Demystifying it for you and giving clear pathways from your shitbox mind into the deeper realms where not only is manifestion possible but probable as well. A sea change in perception.

And who brought all this on? All this investigation? They did.

You would happily or not so happily gone status quo don’t upset the apple cart too much to still be able to hang onto this false reality with the narc. When you go no contact it becomes clear how and why this has been so damaging to your ability to get passed a certain point. You framed your entire reality on a core lie or a group of them. You then went off into the world and didn’t quite fit in or get it somehow. You play acted like you did and since many others were doing the same it wasn’t impossible to blend except for sometimes. In certain situations (remember all those painful times. Remember from where you’ve come)

Your map of reality was so fucked and peculiar. You could really only operate in the vortex of toxicity. That’s not to say that within that there weren’t good times and even enlightened ones. It’s just to say that it was never really authentically that way. Not fully anyhow. And that was good enough for you. It already far outweighed anything you ever saw for yourself. Who could ask for anything more? The commercial goes and it’s echoing your programming which just says don’t you ask for anything more.

But now you see this for what it is. And not only now are you bored by the thoughts in your mind you understand that the ones rooted in fear and shame aren’t your own but the shit of strangers. So you’ve no interest in protecting them under the construct called you. They no longer are you. They are the sickness to cleanse. You no longer identify yourself with them. You do so now with your higher mind. The no mind. The big peace that’s been with you forever. The eternal unchanging from before birth to after death mind. That’s who you become.

“So how’s that like a commercial for the secret”??

Well because from your new perspective manifestation happens naturally and easily. Your not working against yourself and it becomes painfully obvious whenever you lapse and so you lapse less and less until you hardly lapse at all. You’re a fighter now. A warrior. A champion. You no longer have or allow the shit of strangers to get in the way.

They’re a bad commercial for the secret. Turn the channel on your consciousness. Or better yet just turn the tv off and let yourself be.



.

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-25 When You Set Your Sights On Redemption


I feel like this blog is a manifestation of the narcs in my life fear more than of my own vision. The way fear when focused on and acted upon will bring the feared result. The narcs in my life pushed me to a point where my survival became hinged on this expression. In energetic terms you could say they urged me to do this thru malignant motivation. You could also say that perhaps on some level knowing that they only had access and power in the realms of destruction so that they decided they should sacrifice themselves by making it plain to me what they are and what they represent to the expression of my life. You could almost say that. But you would be very mistaken indeed. However the end result is the same. Their dismantling of your existence has lead you here. To the precipice of self discovery. You hadn’t imagined the carnage that lay before you. You didn’t bargain that your own family meant you no good at all. That part still doesn’t sit well. Perhaps it never will. Should things like that ever sit well? Perhaps not. But things like that don’t need to sit well when you set your sights on redemption. Where as revenge is not possible. Redemption is probable. Where as revenge will drive you down. Redemption will bring you up. Where as revenge keeps you in their toxic grasp. Redemption helps you transcend all. Where as revenge is you staring at an empty wall. Redemption lets you hear the call. Where as revenge still keeps them in your mind. Redemption allows the light to find. Where as revenge will keep you trapped and blind. Redemption gives time you can rewind.
Redemption is probable so long as you go no contact. Impossible without that. They’re venom is exact subtle and strong. All the awareness in the world can’t really protect you. Not now any way and not for a long time. There is no revenge like redemption and for the redeemed no need for revenge at all. Just love and mercy and the ability to dream and see it thru. Which the narcs have taught you to be grateful for. You could say they are great teachers. But not how their fragile self concept would have them be. Rather they are teachers of how not to be. Light only exists in relation to darkness. You wouldn’t know how precious your gifts are without realizing just how voided so many who go thru the stations of this life actually are. There is no revenge for those who have no light which serve frames for you to see your own. It’s all about redemption baby.


 

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-25 Chewing On Your Dreams



Bombing the blog with some writings I made before I knew I would actually share them.
Boundaries are fluctuating things. When I first started rebuilding and or building for the first time boundaries I still had narcissists in my life. I mean we all do but I’m talking about the actively feeding on me kind. I didn’t know it at the time. But I soon did. A disruption would occur, and that sinking feeling would well up. Oh no you’ve done it again my boy. You’ve drawn in another one. That voice would get louder and louder. The narc would sense it and begin devaluation in earnest. Against me. Someone who was already soaking all the info I could find on the subject. I said to one. Come on you know I study this shit all the time. Why would you try this on me. I’d get the look as she went into victim mode with eyes that said. Yeah motherfucker but you let me in this far. Quitting narcs is really like quitting cigarettes. To quit cigarettes it’s best to just go cold turkey. Take it on the chin and get passed it. Otherwise you go thru months and months of fucking around bumming smokes. Accidentally buying packs. Smoking one and then throwing it away or giving it to a bum. But with narcs the way it went for me was in stages of no contact. First it was romantic narc gone. Then it went elsewhere and elsewhere still. Until you start to see a pattern and the realization comes over you. Jesus this thing is deep. But that just stands to reason if you were raised by one or two. The last narc to leave my life was a business relationship. And after that. That was when I started really becoming clear. Is this what l Ron Hubbard was on about. Cause I do feel clear and this other thing that I know for a fact John Lennon would have given everything he had for. And that is peace of mind. It comes in waves. It comes here and there. Like splash from some euphoric ocean and then you cultivate it like a garden. What you thought mattered perhaps fame perhaps fortune. Matter less and less and what matters more and more is your garden. Things like fame and fortune tho still fun things to shoot for are only of value now in as much as they fit into this garden of peace of mind you are cultivating. Priorities shift. You have become your authentic self and so your center has shifted from the false center of the narcissistic programming into the much stronger and truer center of the real you. This peace of mind once experienced becomes obviously the thing of highest value. From here you are able to conceptualize ways of being of enormous benefit to mankind. And here is where boundaries grow from the fragmented baby boundaries of your initial awareness of being violated into big bad ass Tyson Fury level boundaries where by anything or anyone who infringes at all on that delicate flower that is your peace of mind. Gets kicked or should get kicked to the curb. You trust your intuition about people’s energies. Or your gut. And time and time again, you betray that and give the person who is already revealing themselves to your subconscious the so called benefit of the doubt only to find yourself time and time again chastising yourself for letting your guard down. Make way for the people who make way for you. When people stress you out. Ask yourself why? When is that ever really necessary? I mean there are times. Late for a flight etc. but you know what I mean. The uneeded stress. The ones who make everything difficult who once upon a time you would given a pass too because you felt sorry for them and thought they didn’t know better. But they did know better and while you were feeling sorry for them. They were sure they were superior to you and infact. Toying with you as if you were a pet.

How much time would you have given that person had you known the score? Or would have you said to them. On second thought you need to go fuck yourself. And then left without a second thought or any guilt at all. When you know this is how these beings operate and what these universal behaviors that we as a community have identified and come together as victims of this unspeakably awful affair.

This is why the truth needs aired out. I won’t keep their secrets for them. I won’t try and get revenge for brutality of the way I was treated. I will live and let live and even wish them well for my authentic nature is one of compassion. They did not kill that in me. In fact it’s only deepened. But that’s not to be mistaken for weakness and it’s not a pie in the sky refusal to see what is either. They are what they are. They are predators and there is no cure. You have to let them be and go no contact.
Im not looking for revenge

But I have no loyalty to those who’ve shown me none. And there is a difference between privacy and secrets. And your only as sick as your secrets and they’re not my secrets to keep. Had they not tried what they tried recently. Had I not really seen not only how little they cared for me but the underhanded way they delivered another dose of extreme emotional violence and they did it over a phone. Do not underestimate these people and understand that you are in a strange kind of danger when you first wake up. I can tell you how and I want to illustrate why. I’m a male victim. Not that the sex matters much but I think it plays into things like pride. My male pride was hurt. And before anyone gets mad at me and says females have pride too. Believe me I know that. I’m speaking on male pride in the way that male pride can often be dumb. Dumb in this case in that you think you know more than you do. You think they see less than they do. And you will be inclined to take some swings back as they pummel you all over the playground. Sorry to say. It’s not a sexy kind of revenge. But the only revenge is no contact. And you’re in luck cause it’s the only way to be somewhat safe from these nit wits. (I contradict this in another post. I know. But hey. Sometimes I say tomato and other times I say tomato)

Which brings me to another reason why I must tell my story. The thing or things they did over the holidays were extreme. Sloppy. Effective. But over the top. They left no way for me to doubt what was up. To the point where I assume that that was on purpose. Kind of “ no really, get the fuck out of our life” kind of send up and send off. I went from positive spirit freshly cleansed from ten days of soaking in sun and ocean and taking stress free care of myself. I went from that to a jail cell for the first time in my life based off of a phone call. I could bore you with the whole story. And someday I’m sure I will. But suffice it to say. They revealed that they are capabale of much darker behavior than I had known. I mean my father has an arsenal of guns and security cameras all over his house. Before my waking up I had written it off to old man bored going a little senile and it’s good that they’re protected all the way too what the fuck is he up to with those guns. I’m talking laser sight shit. They hit an emotional speedball at my psyche so hard and so on target right when They knew I was and they new in vulnerable place and victimized to the extreme by a psychopath. Let’s just say what they did to me was involve that psychopath back into my field of immediate awareness. It was a deeply cruel thing for them to do and for which they gave no sympathy or real apology and acted like I was crazy to react.

Predators like this are dangerous. Who knows how dangerous? I certainly don’t. I know my father is capable of anything. I don’t question that. And judging how much the heat got turned up after my awareness of this just began to grow? How dark does it get after no contact for six months? How does one even begin to find their way back. When every signal from them that you look at with one eye open is just more of the same invalidating insensitive unloving still obviously negatively intended stuff.



Those boundaries I was saying they grow to be as strong as peace. Because peace become your measure. If someone interferes with that. Who’s got time for that? When someone does that all the time you have your answer. They are chewing on your dreams.



 

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-25 Or Maybe I’m Just In A Mood



I’m frustrated today. I woke up alone in a hotel and it took a second to even know where I was or why I was there.
It’s tempting for me to feel sorry for myself and just straight up rebel against God out of anger for what he put me thru by putting me in the environment I was raised in.
I don’t know I guess, in dealing with recovery and waking up to the reality of this condition, it just reframes my life in a way that makes the whole thing quite a lot darker than the already dark, I thought it was.
In short I’m pissed off and there’s no one I can really express that too besides God.
And who else is there to really blame? I could blame my parents, but my dad had a nightmare of a childhood that he would talk about all the time. It’s funny how I wasn’t really aloud to do the same thing.

My mom too must have had some shit go down to become what she’s become. I don’t know, that side of the family was always the “light” side. The West Virginia good natured side, wasn’t abusive when I’d visit my grandparents there. I used to love it when I was a kid. The four hour drive to WVA My cousins and reprieve from the onslaught. Not a total reprieve of course. But my father would be on slightly better behavior around others.
And so if this is just a chain of abuse where I am merely the last link, I guess it can end with me, and that’s all fine, but where do we put the blame?
Whose fault is all this bullshit?

I seriously now just consider this life a station to get thru. My life only makes sense in that context. Outside of that it’s a wall of pain.

I was always fighting to get into a position to be able to get healthy, I was just doing it backwards is all. I was trying to make my external reality ideal so that I could focus in on getting the inside together. Proper resources is something we need. Or something we think we need.
But no matter how much effort. No matter how diligently and hard I worked. And I worked hard. (There is a solid history of that. ) Things wouldn’t connect. People would always say “why doesn’t anyone know who you are? You’re so good. It’s a shame !”

I’d hear that all the time. Daily almost.

And not to brag but I know and have always known down to my core that I’m the best alive. How or why do I know that. Don’t know. I just do.

Delusional? Maybe

But you have to be to survive what I’ve survived.

The weight of dreams is tremendous coming from the world I did.

I hear Mike Tyson talk about the same thing. That same knowing that he was the best. He just knew.

He came from an environment like mine.

Meaning a loveless and hard environment where abuse was the lay of the land.

If you don’t cave into becoming a narc when raised this way, you become something else, you become a champion.

I am a champion.
But there are days. Like today where I wake up pissed off. And I feel like going taxi driver on these fucks.

These people who bully little kids. Should they not just be shot in the fucking face.? And by the way. To any of you toxic fucks reading this. Please come at me. I fucking dare you. I’m so ready to mix it up. Try me.
Getting raised in a torrent of abuse has 6 million disadvantages but one advantage (and it’s a big one) is my threshold for pain is off the charts. I can take more than anyone I know. It’s an advantage once you wake up, but it also explains how other predators can more easily get in a destroy people like me. Quinn Falconer has a history of destroying people which she brags about. The relationship she had before me, she bragged about putting him in an institution. And I believe it. The last night I saw her, after the whole con was revealed, I brought the institution her last bf went into. I said “you did all this on purpose and you’ve done it before!?” She had told me that her ex wound up in an institution because of Aderal. But I started to see suddenly the real reason was her. And discard, I said “you’ve done this before” she just looked at me and smirked and said slow and cool “yeah….but it’s never been this bad before”

I believe her. My threshold for pain is off the charts.

If I ever do step into a boxing ring, I would have to be out cold to stop. I will never quit and I can take it. I can take anything.
Quinn was pure evil. Actual evil. I name her because, why the fuck wouldn’t I? It’s my responsibility to warn others about her. She seriously tried to kill me and almost succeeded. Almost. I’m not afraid. These fucks have pushed me to blow up my whole life. Nothing is more dangerous for them right now than me. Does that put me in harms way? Probably

Do I care? No I don’t

Because I’m also mad at God and in my way, I’m kind of daring him. Like

What else you got?

You can’t make this shit worse.

Try me

My life bottomed out so hard. That really

What the fuck should I be scared about?

This whole world could tell me to fuck off and die and then maybe I would. But the toxic fucks that fucked with me need to watch their backs now.

My strength is coming back

And none of the abuse is sitting particularly well with me.

Not particularly well at all
I disown my family. I have no family

I have nobody basically

I’m totally alone here

Not afraid tho.

The narcs in my life created a high powered suicide bomber set up to blow up their reign of terror. They fucked up. I’m going to keep coming at them until their life resembles the nightmare they put me thru.

Exposure is revenge. They don’t bargain on it. I’m gonna just do it. Make the whole thing transparent. That’s where I win, cause I have nothing to hide.

I’m not gonna stop. All will be revealed.

So much is already.

I have a list of names. Anything happens to me and you will be investigated all the way. I’ve set that protection up already. Please try me. Give me a way to end your life without consequence.

Know that I want to do that and Also please smear me more. Make my life a little worse and see what happens to your face.



Make it just little worse and see what I do to you.
I’d recommend to any of my abusers out there reading this, if you see me walking down the street, you ought to cross to the other side. Don’t come at me with fake smiles or concern. If you catch me on a day like today, I’ll be happy to take this all the way dark. I’ll be happy to end you.
Or maybe I’m just in a mood.


  

2017/06/24

INTERVIEW : 2017-06-22 ‘Redemption’s Son’ on its reissue tour (by Andy Gray)


For someone who always seems to be moving forward, Joseph Arthur is enjoying taking some time to look back.

The prolific singer, songwriter and painter has released 14 album and 11 EPs under his own name as well as collaborating with others (Ben Harper and Dhani Harrison in Fistful of Mercy; Pearl Jam’s Jeff Ament and drummer Richard Stuverud in RNDM).

On the current tour that comes to Cleveland’s Music Box Supper Club next week, he’s focusing on his 2002 album, “Redemption’s Son.” A 15th anniversary edition will be released on Friday that includes nine previously released bonus tracks recorded in the same sessions.

“I thought about this yesterday, maybe there is a window, a 15-year window to be able to tour an album properly,” the Akron native said during a telephone interview last week. “By the time the record comes out, it’s already old. It’s not where you are artistically, and you’re extra vulnerable about it because it’s your new thing. The self-doubt demons kick in at high gear.”

Those issues weren’t a problem when Arthur revisited the album and the other material to prepare the reissue.

“What’s interesting is I’m able to listen to ‘Redemption’s Son’ now like I’m listening to the new Kendrick Lamar album, like a new artist almost,” he said. “Not that I don’t still relate to the songs, but there’s a healthy amount of distance now where I actually can see it and hear it and play it and get excited about it.

“The album has so much resonance in my life currently … It feels super current to me and not a look back, although I obviously am.”

The original plan was to include only three or four bonus tracks on the second disc and pair them with acoustic versions some “Redemption’s Son” songs, which Arthur recorded. But he believes the bonus tracks are better not sharing space with the new acoustic recordings. He views the bonus disc as a stand-alone album titled “Morning Star.”

“Honestly, when the bonus tracks first came to me, the nine tracks on ‘Morning Star,’ I thought, ‘How did this not make the record?’ ‘Downtown” should have made the record, ‘Pictures of a Life.’ They’re definitely as good as anything on the record, in some cases better. How did I pick ‘Buy a Bag’ over some of these other ones?”

But when he goes back and listens to “Redemption’s Son,” he has no regrets.

“There’s not a thing that drags on … It feels like there is just a flow to it.”

Arthur, who lives in Brooklyn, regularly performs at The Tangier in Akron the night before Thanksgiving, but that often is his only northeast Ohio appearance of the year. He said he still loves his hometown but he wanted to play somewhere else on this tour.

“It’s about time for that, to be more into Cleveland and open it up a little more, broaden the horizons.”



ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-24 And Yes I Said Thrice



You may be asking yourself if you stepped into a minefield. Allow me to answer that question for you. Yes you have. And there’s even more bad news to report. It’s been carefully constructed for specifically you. Each mine placed where they know you will step before you step there. I can hear you say. So what’s the good news. Well sadly there isn’t much good news. Your entire life as you know it is done. As you know it. So for your life in that way I have no good news for you. I have only catastrophic news for you. But after you wipe away the grit from the explosion of your whole life. Just after that there is all kinds of very good news indeed. But still. If you’re in the explosion phase it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. For me it blew thru my life like a white hot flame. I was ostracized to the extreme. And my family couldn’t wait and didn’t even hide the fact of them getting there piece before I went all the way down. They all showed me their fangs. Clear as a street sign on a sunny day. But this in the end was the ultimate gift for me. My whole life got blown apart on such a profound level that it lay before me like something thrice demolished and yes I said thrice. From destruction comes redesign and reconstruction in this dope way you can’t see yet. I’m trying to give you a preview of things to come so you hold on in this absolute obliteration of your life. Your authentic self will finally meet you. And you don’t know just how profound that is just yet. For that gift you have to fight. You have to go no contact. You have to see how prevalent this shit is in your life. For me it was all the way to the core. I suspect that’s how it is for most. It only stands to reason. You would be wise to pay close attention and don’t be surprised by what you find. In my case it got all the way dark. You take that as you want. But I’m just saying it’s not a simple thing you’re dealing with. But just beyond this horror story is a love story between you and yourself. I can’t speak beyond that because that’s where I’m at. Im thru the other side of one part of this but not all the way thru. Maybe we never are. I just hope the people that up the road ahead of me will give me a sneak peek of what I’m fighting for too. That’s how we help each other. That’s how this works. You can accept the love you feel here as genuine. It is. You are my brother and my sister if you have endured what we have. And you know what I mean by that and that’s just what I mean. You know what I mean. And I know that you know. The fact that we don’t know each other specifically or in traditional ways doesn’t mean this love isn’t real. Think of all the love you thought was real all thru your life. All that you sacrificed and gave for it only to find that not one part of it was real. And infact the very opposite was what was really going on. So don’t worry about finding your love sources where you can. You will to get creative here. This is a lonely process thru which you transcend the loneliness and find true power in being alone. It’s not easy but my God is it beautiful. Your life may feel and may in fact be completely destroyed right now. But please understand that just on the other side of all that is the biggest gift you can possibly imagine.




ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-24 Rumble Fish



Royalty in exile,

The saint that time forgot.

Looking for his soul mate,

From here to Salem’s lot.

His lovers come in shadows.

His friends have gone away.

He only breaks his silence,

So silence knows,

where it can stay.

His life is made from fighting. He has won most everyone.

A liar once knocked him down,

But then he rose just like the sun.

He haunted every thief,

Who ever stole from him.

And in the end he found revenge,

Upon their darkness growing dim.

Royalty in exile, but he

Won’t stay lost for long.

Redemption comes in waves, and

Soon the pack will sing along.

And the prince will know the score.

And the king may not forgive. For

When you swipe at one like him,



you hit the light that lets you live.


 

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-24 Q



Q
Is probably worried I’ll expose her.

That is the narc’s (or in her case psychopath’s) greatest fear.

Don’t worry Quinn, I doubt I would have the courage to be that bold, right? Oops I just said your real first name but don’t worry! I probably won’t say your last name. Besides I’m bird watching and I see a glorious falcon in the sky. I wonder if there is a FALCONER near by?

Don’t worry QUINN, I probably won’t say your last name. The FALCONER is asking me what time it is now? Wonder why he wants to know? Strange that. Anywho

As I was saying Quinn, even tho I should probably expose you as you did attempt to kill me and all. I mean, no doubt you are pulling the same shit all over the place. I probably won’t be bold enough to say your last name. Here comes this FALCONER again asking me about the damn time! What’s up with that?!? Sorry for the interruption. What was I saying. Oh yeah, talking about your attempt to murder me.

We both know, knowing what I know now, that I could easily prove that, even in court. I mean your wild embedded text messages alone could bury you. I have volumes of them. I mean I will break a few them down in future blog posts to help other victims who are under this form of beyond twisted assault. But don’t fear too much

QUINN, I doubt I will be bold enough. This



FALCONER keeps interrupting me. Gotta go.

ECHOMAZE : 2017-06-24 The Wolf Inside The Slaughtered Lamb


Jumping guitar chord rope
Amongst old creaks and liquid blows.
Between barrels of wine and grace,

Laughing with some ancient shadows.
Ancient is a stretch I know,

Cause not long ago

Was tatters.
And you never know it’s you,

When your life can’t find what matters.
Breaking like a song with notes that sink

like old quicksand.
When you’re reaching up from drowning

And not feeling any hand.
You think it’s them not you

For they can’t see or sit or stand.
On your bones or in your skin

Or think your thoughts to make a plan.
And they cannot know your history, or

The reason for your scam.
The one you pull on you

Using others who are damned.
Jumping guitar chord rope,

Before the gig, the soul and glam.
Glad I know now where I come from,



The wolf inside the slaughtered lamb.




INTERVIEW : 2017-06-23 Joseph Arthur Remembers ‘Redemption’s Son’ on Its 15th Anniversary (by Michael Christopher)




by Michael Christopher June 23, 2017

Much like the career of multi-talented singer/songwriter Joseph Arthur himself, his 2002 album Redemption’s Son, went down several winding roads before people caught on to its brilliance. Stuck in major label limbo after being discovered by Peter Gabriel and delivering the landmark LP Come to Where I’m From in 2000, he was a critical favorite who suddenly had no one to distribute his material.

Redemption’s Son first came out overseas in May of 2002 and finally a deal was worked for its release late that November in the States. Since then, Arthur has been prolific to say the least, with a staggering 14 albums and 11 official EPs under his belt. He’s also been involved with several high profile side projects including contributing to Afghan Whigs frontman Greg Dulli’s collective known as the Twilight Singers.

Today (June 23), the 15th anniversary edition of Redemption’s Son will be released on 180-gram double LP, double CD, and digitally. There are also nine previously unreleased songs which form a “lost album” which Arthur has named Morning Star. He’s currently on tour playing the record in full, with a show tonight in his adopted hometown of New York City, where last month he opened for the Afghan Whigs much-anticipated show at the legendary Apollo Theater. It was during that gig when Arthur plucked a girl decked out in a gold lamé from the audience while the Whigs were on the final song of their encore – and almost derailed the entire show at the same time.

Catching up with Arthur, he talked about that incident, the history of Redemption’s Son, the death of Chris Cornell and – perhaps the most important topic of all – what’s going on with his hair.

What was it like playing the Apollo?

That was my second time. I actually headlined and sold out the Apollo with my band Fistful of Mercy with Ben Harper and Dhani Harrison. The Apollo is, like, golden in my mind – I got to have a golden moment at it, you know? So it’s funny when that door got reopened. I’ve been friends with Greg [Dulli] for many years and he calls me up and says, “I’ve got a curveball for you,” and I’m like, “Uh-oh.” He says, “No, it’s a good curveball.” [laughs] He says, “Do you want to open for the Whigs tomorrow at the Apollo?” and I was like, I had 24 hours to prepare, but it was fun – I had a great night that night.

You looked like you were having a blast – especially during “Faded,” you were dancing like a madcap, pulled that girl up on stage…

Yeah, I almost blew it in the Whigs set [laughs], like when I pulled that girl up onstage. I was watching her dance, and I was like, “She needs to be up onstage.” When she first went to Greg’s – she went right for worship mode and I was like, “Oh no! Am I gonna have to bounce this girl off right now?” But then she killed it. It was awesome the way she did it – it was almost like we planned it, but it was not planned. And then I almost tripped over the guitar rig and stopped the gig which would’ve probably promptly ended my friendship with Greg [laughs]. But sometimes you gotta risk it all for magic – you know?

I think I was most struck by your shaved head – when did you do that?

I’ve been doing that off and on since, I mean, well my first album [1997’s Big City Secrets] is me with a shaved head on the cover. So I came out the gate with this as my look [laughs]. Then I became a hippie in front of everybody. It’s just one of those things; my hair tends to go “classic-rocker-bad-haircut” look, so I just shave it every now and again. It started to grow back in, and I didn’t know I was gonna open for the Afghan Whigs or I probably wouldn’t have done it, but I had just shaved it with, like, a beard trimmer two days before – because I didn’t expect to be out in public for a while. It wasn’t on purpose and I couldn’t “fast grow” hair” [laughs]. I want to do a cute David Bowie cut, like a mullet but spiky on top.

So Redemption’s Son. The record has quite the storied history. Do you think that’s part of the reason why it’s one of the fans’ favorite albums, because there was this period of difficulty in getting it out? Like, it’s available only in the U.K., there there’s cover changes, the track listing changes, then it’s out here.

Man…that was such a weird period. It was sort of when my relationship with Real World Records fell apart, which is thankfully totally back together. I was kind of having this moment of being the critic’s darling at that time. But [the music industry at the time] was so numbers-based and you’re dealing with major labels and I had all that critical acclaim but I sold like 20,000 records – like nothing at the time. Politics being what they were, I was in a state of being dropped by Virgin, but I was not dropped at the same time – it gets confusing, but I was trapped and in a holding pattern for a couple years there. And it was right when I shouldn’t have been – I was really, really going for it.

And now the Morning Star songs are all out.

Dude, it’s so gratifying, and instead of being like, “Oh, why didn’t this happen then?” It’s more like, it’s all now – it doesn’t really matter. And I’m more excited to play these songs than I typically am to play a new album. I love the album.

Looking back, what do you see in the Joseph Arthur of 15 years ago? Is there anything that makes you cringe, or parts that are like, “Yeah, good on that dude,” what do you see in yourself?

That’s a good question. I think I was writing really good songs and it’s just so funny to be investigating them and remembering where my head was and what I was doing and why I was deciding certain things. Then you realize, “Oh my god, there’s so many different ways I could’ve chosen to evolve.” It’s hard to explain, but this feels like a very forward-thinking time for me and yet completely appropriate to be reapproaching this album in particular. There’s no songs on it that make me fully cringe; there’s a couple where I’m like, “Really? You put that on the record and not that? Are you insane?” But at the time, you’re thinking in terms, like, that throws in a different flavor. What’s great is you can reinterpret things and fix things. I’m into that.

When you revisit something like Redemption’s Son in concert, do you have to tap into the same emotions you had at the time…

Oh that’s easy. Good songs are just like good outfits; you put them on and the dude of the day is wearing the clothes. A nice outfit, you’re gonna feel good any day even if it’s 10 years, “Oh – this old suit still fits!” you know? “And it looks good too!” [laughs].

Some of these songs you haven’t played live, so are you struggling with relearning any of them?
The struggling with me learning looks like this: procrastinating in beginning to learn [laughs]. So “yes” is the answer – it just means I haven’t attempted it yet. I know I’ll find a way into each of these Redemption’s Son songs.

Shifting to a more somber topic, you developed somewhat of a friendship with Chris Cornell in recent years and published a moving post on Facebook after his passing. How hard is his death on you?

[Let’s out a big sigh] There’s no way to quantify that. Ugh. Death is so shocking and beyond…it’s hard to talk about it. I didn’t know him that well – I described my level of friendship; it was a few times we hung out and it was nice. He is a sweetheart of a person, a really beautiful soul. He gave us a lot and he’s a legend, an amazing artist and just a beautiful guy. There’s not gonna be another one like that dude ever, ever, ever – that’s a one of a kind human.


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